City of Legends

I am spending way too much time inside my own head, but that’s one of the joys (?) of having a son who is in that philosophical-existential-angst phase where he doesn’t want to know if a hammer falls, but why it falls and what purpose does it serve in an entropy-laden universe on a planet that won’t even still be around in a few billion years and where there is strife, war, disease, famine, genocide and Spencer Pratt.

But it helps to reflect on my own path, sometimes seeing in his thoughts and words moments that I myself endured, sometimes seeing new things that cast new illumination on old experiences and allows me to think again about things that may not have gotten fair shake.

Everything from the nature of God to the nature of truth to why people believe what is in their best interest over what is apparent, all is in for a go.  He (Elric) is planning to take Philosophy next semester in high school (along with Gourmet Cooking, which I tell him he is only taking to meet girls).  I sometimes marvel at his insights and wonder if I was that evolved at his age (I was considered pretty mature as a teenager, even if I was prone to the occasional lapse of reason (usually because of a pretty girl)…come to think of it, I haven’t changed that much, at least not to my own perceptions.  Greyer, thicker and with a few well-earned lines, but there are times when I can feel myself as a 17 year old boy.  I actually find that troubling as I was always lead to believe that there were levels of maturity beyond that, or is it all facade for everyone?)

I don’t know.  I want to know.  I need to know (for the next time that topic comes around and Elric looks to me for wisdom, or at least a good joke).

I’ve already explained to him my views on life, death, God, love, war, religion (not the same thing as God), politics and proper dating ettiquette.  I hope I have instilled in him the knowledge that people who treat you badly are generally those who have a mistaken impression, and that he should be careful to avoid blaming people for their own ignorance in matters concerning him, or anything else for that matter. 

It’s tough, as my value system and his mother’s are different, coming from different backgrounds and religious views, and I have no desire to create a false conflict just to "win".  Her beliefs are fine, just different, in as my favourite food is chicken livers, and her’s is chocolate.  It is good that we are different, all of us, otherwise it would be a world we would swiftly define as grey, drab, same, boring, redundant.

I’m trying to teach him how to stay calm in the face of adversity, to think strategically when possible, but tactically when required.  I want him to understand that no matter what you do, there is someone out there who will think you are an idiot for doing it.  That they take the time to criticize you just means they think you are an important enough person to criticize.  There are others who will think you a hero.  those are the people who don’t know you very well.  There are few real heroes left.

I tell him it is impossible to lose my love.  I may not agree with him or even like him in a given moment, owing to something he thinks, says or does, but the love is unconditional.  If it isn’t, it isn’t love.  And also, that I am not the final arbiter of what is good and bad, right and wrong.  He has to kinda feel that one out for himself.  I can tell him what my experiences have been, and I don’t hold back on that.  And maybe, maybe a bit of what I am not necessarily am but of what I would like to be, maybe that will find its way into his tapestry.

I’d like to think so.