City of Legends

Originally posted to a friend’s blog, these drew so many hits that it crashed her server.  We’ll see how it goes here…

Ladies, ever wonder what it takes to get a man to "go home" with you?  I present you the list of sure-fire pickup lines that will get any and all but the most fussy, discriminating or already hopelessly in love man to be putty in your hands…okay, not putty…well, at least not for the first 15-20 seconds.

*"Hi" (This line works on 95% of all males, who just need you to acknowledge their existence to assume you want them)

*"My younger sister and I have been wanting to try a threesome ever since she graduated Catholic high school last year. Would you be willing to help us?" (This works on those remaining 5%)

*"Buy me a drink and I’ll mount you like a lumberjack." (Best delivered naked and/or with exaggerated pelvic motions)

*"You have no idea the burden it is being a supermodel and a virgin." (Works best if you look like a supermodel, but most guys presume any woman over 5′7" is a supermodel)

*"I have video games in my bedroom"  (I have heard of people actually using this line, or variants)

*"I won’t even ask your name." (This works well on married men, celebrities and escaped convicts)

*"You may be a total wanker, but I can change that for one night." (A touch sarcastic, but charitable)

*"Premature ejaculation makes me hot." (Younger men appreciate the grace)

*"I have beer in my car." (Some guys have really weird priorities…)

*"I’ll tell your friends you were fantastic, regardless of how you really were." (Underachievers like good press)

*"My real name is Denise, but my stage name is Viagra McHoover." (A bit subtle, perhaps)

*"My boyfriend cheated on me last week with my best friend. Do you have any good ideas as to how I could get back at him?" (Slow witted men may have problems with this one, but if you draw them a picture…)

*"Whatever you’re thinking of, the answer is ‘Yes’" (This helps them get over their fear of rejection)

So there it is, ladies. Now you can finally go down to the local pub, biker bar or college fraternity house with a real chance at waking up tomorrow with a headache, no underwear and a raging case of something there is no known medical cure for.

Good hunting!