City of Legends

I was only recently made aware of the fact that two of my muses, Selke and Nightblooming, have the same birthday.  Curious.  I mean, what are the odds?

For her birthday, I gave Nightblooming flowers, candy and the volume she requested, the autographed copy of "INVOCATO" that had boomeranged (I suspect it will suffer a grisley fate, but what was I supposed to do with it?  Install it in a museum?).

For Selke’s birthday?  Ah, that would be telling.

Okay, one miracle down (you have no idea how much furious effort is going on in the background to accomplish all of this)…

The City of Legends Store has re-opened.  You can get there by slicking the linked name (in the previous sentence) or by following the top of the page link that reads "The City Store" (trying to keep it simple).

We’re offering some discounts on some books and CDs as a "Pre-tour Blowout", and as always, free shipping and custom signing.  Shopping cart services are courtesy of PayPal.

Available in the ‘Store are:

Books:

• As such…romantic poetry of rebirth
  
• Ronin in the Temple of Aphrodite
  
• Psalms of the Monster River Cult
  
• The Morgantown Suite Poems
  
• The Compleat Panther Cycles

CDs:

• Nemicorn
  
• The Naked Reads
  
• Amomancer:  nightblooming
  
• the last romantic verb

Not in the store?

• from an unexpected quarter
  
• Love Gods of a Forgotten Religion
  
• PanthEon
  
• 101 Great Love Poems (hardback and paperback)
  
• Invocato

But I may later decide to fold them in…I just hate making the store too chaotic and huge.  All of those not in the official store can be purchased elsewhere.

And yes, when Evangelist is done, it will be available through the City Store.

I love the book, "The Morgantown Suite Poems", so don’t get me wrong. It’s a good book, nice cover (better be, I chased Ron Rittenhouse for months to get permission to use the photo I wanted on the cover).

But there is a certain sadness as to how the book became the official sample of my work that will be given to competitors for the West Virginia state finals for Poetry Out Loud next week.

"The Compleat Panther Cycles" is too expensive and massive.
The unholy trinity that I have with iUniverse, "from an unexpected quarter", "love gods of a forgotten religion" and "101 Great Love Poems" I rarely recommend, not because they have nothing to contribute (particularly "love gods…" which I adore) but because I have a thing about my former publisher.
"Invocato" is not easily accessible.
"PanthEon" and "from out of the city" are out of print.
"Ronin in the Temple of Aphrodite" might be over the heads of many high school students…
and "Psalms of the Monster River Cult"? Well, the poem "if your husband comes home" found some furrowed brows, as high school students might be corrupted by hearing of people having sexual relations outside of marriage.

So the winner, by default, is "The Morgantown Suite Poems"…makes me wish "As Such…" was already out…

Next time.

Well, I am getting good initial response to my release of a complemetary eBook of INVOCATO, so much so I may need to expand the program. I am delighted.

I am placing so much of my emotional energy into the editing of the two new books that I have little fire left to write with. I know this will change in the next several weeks, but it is still a point of frustration for me.

I think I will do something. Something odd. Then, document the results here. Like my life isn’t odd enough already. I am considering looking up a list of people who have, in the past, inspired my work, people who I have lost track of…and seeing if I can find them, and what they have to say. I’ve been toying with the idea for some time (someone who lurks is probably right now reading this and cringing).

I commented the other day to someone that the main difference between LA and Morgantown is the culture of competition. In LA you are expected to compete, to achieve. You are encouraged, even by your competitors, to come out swinging and show what you’ve got. In Morgantown, there is a strong current of suppression. You are encouraged to sit in the back of the room and be quiet. Don’t make waves. Don’t compete. I have not yet reached a full understanding of the root of this, but it is a palpable thing.

I think it has to do with a fear of change, that somehow anyone who evolves threatens the order of things, and that at the pinnacle, the cultural power is held by those who wish things to stay the same, in Morgantown. In LA they have learned that change is inevitable, and thus the power resides with those most adaptable to change. And because they know how to harness the change, they encourage and support it.

It is a curious dichotomy, as one normally suspects that the larger an organism is, even a cultural organism, the more resistant to change it is, and that agility is the main power of a small organism.

I remember when I worked at the bank, the officers of the local banks were all gung-ho about changing the state laws to allow branch banking…expecting that they would gobble up smaller banks. The laws got changed and they got gobbled up by even larger banks. Perhaps this sort of thing instills the big fish in the small ponds a fear that drives them to assiduously defend their waters, afraid that anyone who brings anything new to the mix is trying to take something from them.

People forget that humans do not dominate the world through caution, but through boldness and adaptation. Those who scurry into corners and erect artificial imprediments to change one day emerge from their caves to find themselves irrelevent to a world that went on without them. Hiding from the sunshine doesn’t make it go away. It merely removes you from the equation.

I wish I was not so cut off from so many people I have worked so hard to help and have sacrificed so much to their benefit. I would be angry for the insult, were it not for the sorrow that permeates it. Not depressed, but sorrowful.

To quote one person, when they explained where they had failed in life, "I did what I could." Maybe I have not righted every wrong, fixed every broken wing - but I will, in the harshest and most honest light, weigh what I have accomplished in helping others against the damage I have done from my failings. Yes, my wings have been as "oft leathery as feathery", but I have kept leash on myself when the darkness was upon me and given myself free rein when the opportunity has been to help.

I grow weary of slander. Weary enough to find my voice, perhaps. That would be interesting…to speak not only truthfully, but forthrightly. To shine the light in the dark corners.

The problem is, much damage would be done to individuals whose worst fault seems to be a willingness to hide, and I have problems, without higher purpose than my own vindication, defending myself. A bitter paradox, but worth examining.

Sometime, soon. Several significant anniversaries are approaching, and such days mark ample emotional feed for my contemplations.

Very nasty storms en route…red zone storms. Hail, damaging winds, blah blah…may undermine my plans for the evening!

Had a nice talk with my first ex on the phone earlier today. Got updated on what’s been going on with my boys (details of my daughter are sketchy, by her design). We’re trying to work it out for me to come in in two weeks and do some serious work, cleaning up their back yard, whcih has fallen into disrepair…this is complicated by my schedule, her insistence that I can’t work on it on Saturdays (she observes the Jewish Sabbath) and transportation complexities. Sigh.

Went to a yard sale and bought my nephew a plush Steelers football.

Kicked around some naming conventions for our business with my brothers. A man with one watch always knows what time it is, a man with two is never sure…now take that up to three. Aigh.

I posted the complementary eBook of INVOCATO to authorsden.com, and will be putting out the word to the world that they can get a free eBook. May not cause a stampede, but it is a gesture.

I wonder, often, what’s going on down south…I have no idea if even what was told to me is anywhere near the truth (so much erosion of trust in the last year. Blind faith has been abused, the damage is not necessarily permanent, but certainly deep and stupid.)

Well, I’m going to shut down for a few, in case we get the storm that looks to be heading our way. Pax.

Have decided to do one of my semi-annual cleanups of the website…just whacked into it last night, and will continue to work through the weekend to try and make it more user friendly and more fascinating.

Did a little reading on ideas to refocus, so will try to apply them, including making the site more interactive and dynamic.

Scanned a book on buzz marketing…I am considering whipping up a contest for the website on personal anecdotes related to my poetry. I have received many over the years, a few with photographic evidence (that’s PHOTOgraphic, not PORNOgraphic, usually). I’m also going to start distributing free copies of the eBook of INVOCATO. If you want one, contact me at freebooks@cityoflegends.com

Read a fascinating article in Forbes last night avout "getting fired at fifty"…it doesn’t exactly describe what’s been going on in my yech career over the last couple of years, but was close enough to be inspiring. I am more resolute than ever, and more comforted that I am not alone….thousands of men in their "career prime" are finding themselves put out to pasture, then locked out of real opportunity because of the inherent prejudice of the work force (add to this the morbid fear many middle managers have of hiring someone with more bones than them and you build a strong case for a no hire decision)…

Robert and I have pretty much decided to move forward with our own company. Yeah, I write and get from that, but I have been a cash machine for others in the past (I saved RealCom over $2million dollars during my 18 months there, just in process improvements to close fraud in telecommunication billing - The implementation of an actual test team at Globalstar and a personnel plan than downsized our extremely overpriced outside consultancy saved an estimated $450,000 overall…and I was there all over 6 months - Add to that my proposal win rate and my project management track record on FFP contracts and…well, you get the idea) The biggest problem? picking a name. Too many possibilities.

Had a nice chat with M last night…we discussed pet stories. And bats (although in my case, having actually had a pet bat once…)

Rough night. For some reason or other, kept waking up (may have been the storms, but usually I sleep well through those, so maybe I was restless for other reasons)

No exciting email this morning…Brigit may have done her usual surface-for-a-day-then-go-away-for-months routine. argh. Well, at least unlike some people, she at least surfaces. No word from JIllian on her books (or Jezz just writing to be Jezz).

Four weeks until the release of "The Morgantown Suite" and the buzz is…er…there is no buzz. Some of that is my fault for having spent so much energy on the P’cycles and "INVOCATO"…part of it is the incipient apathy in Morgantown for anything that does not have the word "beer" in its title. (chortle-snort-snarfle) Regardless of what they think of it, regardless of whether or not ArtsMon really, really gets behind it (hey, they get all the royalties) it still is coming out. If asked to talk about it, pimp it or read from it, I shall…if not, at least it goes in my credits (book #7…there is a book #7, isn’t there?)

I had run into an interesting fellow the other night at Books A Million. At the end of the long discussion I gave him my number, in case he ever wanted to talk later…he called yesterday, when I was in the middle of twelve things, I told him I’d have to get back to him…he gave me his number. And…I think I lost it. Damn. Well, maybe he’ll read this. As a pet peeve of mine is people who slowly or never return calls (riles me to no end, bad business, you know, and besides it leaves the initiator wondering if you ever got the call or if there is a reason they are being ignored) I hate it when people think I’m ditching them.

Considering a March, 2006, release date for the memoir "Wings as Oft Leathery as Feathery"…updated to modern times. Part of me deplores kiss-and-tell books. Part of me is just so damn tired of the lies I have allowed. Lying to me is a sign of disrespect. Lying about me is a sign of betrayal, especially if I have done nothing to harm you. Invoking my own sense of loyal nobility to have me participate in your lies, only to throw them all on me when you get caught…well, you can imagine. Somedays I feel like those cheesy computers on old "Star Trek" episodes, where all Kirk has to do is tell them they are behaving illogically to get them to blow up.

Okay, back on focus. Will slip on the headphones shortly, program a track of Warren Zevon (Lawyers, Guns and Money; Mohammed’s Radio), Matthew Sweet (Girlfriend), A3 (Woke Up This Morning) and Amy Grant (Good for Me)…hey this is my brain, not yours…get a life…and work on completing either of the pipeline books.

what is the dream of the three panthers was what it is, but that the people I have identified as the three panthers are not?

I guess history will determine that.

(Pondering too many things at a time…I am allowing myself too much reflection, but when I am deep within, under my skin, I can see the shadows on the wall from the fire I feed with my passions. it is as close in this life as I dare get to it.)

I have finished the second section edits on Gina’s book…I have The Morgantown Suite and The Compleat Panther Cycles almost ready to go. I hope, one day, to see Ann’s book that I put so much time into helping her prepare, but may or may not, I hope it does not languish, but when you surrender control you have to walk away. Shake the dust from your sandals.

I got my new shipment of INVOCATO copies today…all the original shipment sold out the first night of the tour…duh…I had underestimated their appeal.

This is going to be a phenomenal year.

I have almost completed the annotations to the P’cycles…I have lined up a foreword, I’m negotiating a cover (wouldn’t want to recycle the PanthEon cover, despite the fact I paid top dollar for it…she might get in one of her self righteous snits agin and this time I may open my mouth and speak the barren truths) and it’s looking good.

I look back on the past week, the past month, the past year and it is remarkable how much has been accomplished. And I have done it all without having to vindicate myself. That’s tough for me, sometimes, as have a problem when I know I’m being used as a scapegoat.

I’m leaving in a bit to go down to Fairmont for a reading, although a part of me is just wanting to go pull a Venice Beach and just sit in my corner and write and let those who see evil in the Rorschach of my words stew in their own perceptions.

It is tempting.