City of Legends

Back in the day, when I was a humour columnist for AOL’s Writers Club, they used to post my extemporaneous "Top Ten Lists" (Yes, I ripped the concept off of David Letterman, always steal from the best. Right, Mr. Gates?). They had over 500 of them posted when the WC shut down. Having recently gotten back together with a few of the old crew, I felt nostalgic…

So here are the Top Ten Alternate (and Discarded) Titles for my reading tour, Evangelist, later this summer.

10. Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me

9. As such, a schmuck

8. Love Poems to Whom It May Concern

7. Bored to the Bone

6. Geritol and Absinthe

5. 35 years of screwing up, revisited

4. Captain McSqueak and the all-mouse orchestra

3. Next!

2. Last of the Red Hot Losers

and the #1 alternate title for this Summer’s "Evangelist" Tour:

1. Cuckold Shooting Gallery

Thank you for that tepid applause. Had to break the mood, you know.